i'm broke.

people keep on saying that, i keep on saying it so many times. but seriously, this spending habit is getting a bit out of control.

i withdrew rm300 today.

and theres less than rm50 left.

what the fuck did i do?? i don't even know.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

by this rate, all the ptptn money would have lesap into thin air. and i will be penniless!!

shopping will be hiatus until next break. even online ones

butiwanthtecardiandthattopandthatjeans

been spending the past week with moji when finally last night i left him alone to continue with his studying. sometimes i can't help but feel like i am disturbing him when i'm around. i sleep, i laze around and i don't do anything. some motivation eh? :(

went back to KL this morning. was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that i spent a lot. and got moji's present for him. hope he will like it. went to bangsar, and i never realized it was such a high-end place. fuck, no place for a student like me to be roaming around.

but it's good motivation to earn a lot later on.

there is this chaos inside of me. it's coming out from uncertainty and worries. about life, love, and other things. i screwed up sometime ago, and it came back to haunt me as i did yet another bad choice. i don't want to be that kind of person, but the fact is already did it. what i can do now is just to make sure things don't go as ugly as it did.

i miss the things that everyone is doing, but don't talk about it.

:)

itch

its 3am in the morning and the mokgobjas down the road are still partying. i can hear the music clearly from 3 houses away. best part is they play the first 10secs of each song and then change it. bodoh.

to sha, im really really sorry for canceling out last minute. i know its very frustrating when someone does that and i know this isn't the first time i did it, i'm so sorry. it won't happen again, i promise.

p/s - iranian looks so good with formal clothes wei. so yummy yummy til can strip him off and eat him raw - w - <3

and the itch is back. fucking itch. FUCKING ITCH. this is where my willpower comes in.

want

any of u want to know the feeling of torture? i am not proud to say, but i did experienced it last night, and i can tell u how it feels.

it is when u itch, but there is no way u can ever scratch, or touch the place that itches.

i tell you, that IS the worst feeling in the world. both pysically and mentally.

just thinking about it makes my buluroma meremang. brrrrr!

anyway, went to DP(again) to try to find another pair of jeans. hey, it is the sales season, and all the pre-exam tension is catching up to me, i need a place to release, no? what better way than to have (imaginary) retail therapy, and i also wntd to spend some time with that handsome iranian boy. sad enough, didn't get any nice buys, as the stores here didn't carry bigger sizes for me. bodoh kn? they think all malaysians are stickthin and cardboard-like ke?

but as i was walking around, saw something i really liked. now people, i don't usually do this, but seeing my birthday is coming round the corner this february... around the ninth of the month... and you know, as the kind and thouhgtful person i am, i would like to save u guys the trouble of finding me a present... may i recommend you something?

!!! retailing at roxy stores near you(DP) at only rm 189.90 !!!

so very the lawa, blood red colour with quilted heart-shaped design and stuff. with the perfect size (not too small, and not too big like an oversized carrier) and got the buckle thingy at the front. cantiiiiiiiik!!

....but anyway, this is just a recommendation. feel free to get me anything else :) but hey, i do recommend u guys get this one. it will make me extremely happy.

hehe. sorry a bit mukatakmalu.

missed cube last night because i just came back from dinner, and when i read the msg it was a bit too late. heard some things happened, but hey V, just explain everything to her, i'm sure she will appreciate your honesty. and she is a nice, wonderful girl, she will understand. besides, it will always be better to hear things from you yourself, however bad it will be rather than coming out of someone else, whose words may be twisted by malicious intentions. i wish u all the best, dude.

anywayyyyyysssssssssssssssssssss heard from crys the delusion of some people. i guess when someone has too many shadows hiding in their closets, every single statement that mirrors their behaviour, however minute it is stings them like a poisonous venom. as accurately depicted in the malay proverb, siapa makan cili, dia yang terasa pedasnya.

thats why... didn't your mothers ever told u guys to be nice to everyone? live a life with a clear conscience and clear mind? see, now, at the beginning of ur life, where all u actually need to worry is to grow up and study, theres just way too much things to cloud your mind. i pity these people. pity, don't hate.

and i should be studying, or at least get ready for the presentation tomorrow. but i feel so demotivated, even with the iranian sitting infront of me studying.

i guess i need the push. or desperation, or both. :(

merge them baby

i finally popped the giamungous zit on my left cheek. man, the thing is just uglorrendous, its not the cute pink shade that its supposed to be but a dark maroon greyish dead colour. but i think the core is still inside, too scared to press it harder. damn pain wei.

and for the second consecutive day, i went to jogging. made a promise to myself (and one other person) that i will lose my tummy by the end of beta. why? cos i wanna be hot. how? by jogging and doing ab practices everynight :)

and i just blew all seven rounds and 100 situps by eating a plate of oily greasy plate of char kuey teow. (that wasn't even all that nice, but i ate it all anyway. retardation)

but. WHY the hell do all my friends have to be on holiday now? keep getting sms-es asking to hng out, but in reality is i HAVE EXAMS IN TEN DAYS TIME. (and naturally, haven't studied shit). WHY can't u guys cuti when i have cuti? WHY do u have to put me in this state or torture? WHY??? stupid mmu.

and my cbox rosak. how do i fix it?

i'm still alive.

yeah. saya masih di sini.

weekend was a bomb. went to mardi gras saturday night, and as much as i love the city, the crowd was just so-so. no cute guys, nil. there was this one boy, but he looks 15, and dating children are against my principles. and some girls were talking about us (i.e. me, sha) behind our backs, and frankly i don't give a rats ass about what you say. i know what i am doing, and if u say we dance like sluts or anything, we didn't make any advances at any guys nor do we actually did something bad. its just dancing girls, and it is a club for freaking gods sake. sheesh, women.

also made some time to actually go to comic fiesta. well, there isn't much hype about it anymore, lost interest in the whole ACG fandom thing quite some time ago. just bought ade's doujin, the rakuen and i must tell ya, mahata is pretty darn good. he could go pro if he wanted to.

funny thing, how come i still keep in contact with dan? soemtimes i just pity him, sometimes i just miss his company, but ultimately i don't know why i keep hanging around. come on, cut off all ties, and just move away ok. it's not really something you'll miss in the long run.

moji's gonna have to move into a new place soon. i want to bring him around to kl and all the nice dining places, hang out and stuff. but theres 15 days to go til the end of the exams, and i still havent started on anything.

shit.

valiappati mamaleh mamaleh

two consecutive nights of midnight mcd binging.

i hate myself.

mana tak gemuk, makan makanan so fucking healthy and at the right hours pulak tu.

seriously. what happened to my resolution to lose the hefty 5kgs before new year's eve? what happened to fitting into jeans and tops without my stomach bulging out? what happened to having a hot jessica alba body and getting all the hot chicks? what happened! oh my self-control is just as hard as a Styrofoam board.

why.
why.
why.

if i eat one more midnight-mcd i swear i will make myself become bulimic. but it's also mcd's fault for being so available, and for opening twenty four hours. in ten years time malaysians will be like the fat fat americans. long live uncle mac.

up at 5am finishing up the labour law assignments. sometimes i hate doing this to myself. fuck the weather, its been so gloomy and cold, perfect weather to chill and sleep all day. and my attendance has dropped to 33.3%. but on a brighter news, finally did the malaysian studies presentation. super retarded mamaleh dance, but we still rocked harder then the kuda kepang fiasco of crazy mutated 2d horses.

fuck.

i do complain a lot. but that's just good therapy.

p/s - did u know my first diary's name is "jake". every post started with a "dear jake". haha, super lame.

starting today, 200 sit ups, 45mins jogging. sit at home, be stationary and cry. (and study)

i'm conforming.

yes, u read right.

i feel like becoming one of "everyone else", the ones that look like sheeps, as according to miss nilsson.

i want to get one of those bags big enough to hide a chihuahua. (most probably the corpse of one, after i finish beating and kicking those little buggers)

D: