Its been 5 months since that day. Tonight, I lived it for you. For all that we had before, it was beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Do not get me wrong, my Loves. Think not that I am stuck here, if only they would understand. All that feels are excited, for that alone I will always remember you.

It's allright if they don't, for that I know what this is :)

black & heavy

This is a letter of hate. Nothing good will come out from acknowledging these spiteful emotions, but it needs to come out, before it manifests itself into something irreversible.

I know you. I know each and every single cell inside of you. I know your games, I know your tricks, I know how you make a person sway, I know what makes you tick, what makes your heart beats faster. What I don’t know is how you can sit around idly and just watch people who care about you writhing away like dust?

How can something u preached sounds so beautiful, and yet when it’s time to make the words real you choose to turn your back against it?It really hurts me, and I’m sure it hurts others out there too. I can’t believe someone who has worked so much to have something to call theirs, lets it go the moment it is.

I hate you, the more I think about it that page that was written months ago seems true again. Everything he said was true. I can’t sit around and let you use me again. Not anymore. I hate your words. No truth comes out of it anymore. I hate your thoughts, they don’t seem to matter the things that does. I hate everything about you, enough to make me disappear for good after this. She did, why shouldn’t I?

I am not the first one to say this, maybe u should take a look around and see how you are sucking the life out of people. Maybe I don’t want to be the latter anymore.

Goodbye. I hope I have enough strength to leave you now.

smokey

hello again, it's been a while.

i'm starting to forget,how things are. when a huge part of you have been ignoring, sometimes that state takes over and becomes reality. but in the same time... this feeling is growing stronger.

soon i will have to make it, and whats worse? losing or gaining? or being the in-between. someone come now so that i can pour myself. not everything is personal.

do u know?

and there is light.

i have my feet stuck in vastly different worlds. on one hand(feet), i am totally happy, on the other, i'm on the brink of something that will be devastating.

the only thing i am able to do is linger, and at this moment i am flying.

over a bucket of kfc.

I feel like I'm slowly losing you. The things we used to talk about are never spoken again. The laughs and the tears of what used to be is not there anymore. We are empty now, a proud evidence of what used to be.

Can't we just turn back? I miss you.

budding

So its that time again of the year, where the old one's slowly dying and the new getting ready to kick some major ass. The ending line from Wanted is playing on replay in my mind.

"What the fuck have u done lately?"

Indeed this year was full of meaning, thank you God. I lost someone dear to me, not over 3 months back. I gained some wonderful friends at the time being, reconciled with another. Funny how the measure of your life is related to the lives of others. Got stuck to some addiction, made some afflictions, cleared my soul. All sorts have gone out, and in the end, the question still lies.

If he'd look at me right now, the eyes would glaze over and a smirk would appear. That face that I can't bear to look. He doesn't need to say it for me to understand what goes on.



So heres to a new year, with the coming of 2010 (also, a year closer to the end of the world? Hmm) for hoping and struggling for another day. For another flicker to add in the big fire. Another step to matter. Here's to 2010 :) let's all drink it up and savour the feeling of the old, and pray to God that it doesn't leave a bitter aftertaste.

metal tube

so what shall you do when they tell you to conform. its no longer hushed, its now shown in its most honest form. do u still struggle, for that one small gesture of childish freedom, or do you give in to something that might be, not just amazing but also right?

is it time already?