the other side of the world

Yesterday I fell asleep watching Tun Perak the musical. It was embarrassing, even more to li. The thing is, I had high expectations, I always do. And I think this is my downfall in almost every situation.

I resent that. This might sound bad, but growing up where it doesn’t compel you to do anything does u no good. Having people constantly putting you down for the things that u might even think to challenge isn’t good. Everything is too rigid, there isn’t any choice. Clear cut rules have been made, but it just wasn’t made for me.

Somehow I know I can’t blame them for everything, though as much as I want to. Do I have to live with this? Knowing there are things out there that I will never experience? See, that’s just where we are different, and somehow I think this difference is just palpable. I don’t feel any belonging, any attachments rather that what was already constituted. It’s not just them, it’s the whole bunch of them. So what is the concept for? A pre-made set of rules that seemingly makes things easier and yet it doesn’t.

God, sometimes I just feel like cutting. A sharp, fast cut.

the 100th post!

rejoice, it made it this far! let's celebrate! whilei realize i don't blog as much, the fault is really just plain 'ol genetics. you see, one was not blessed with the literary gene, hence parents in banking and siblings in engineering says it all. 33 hours away to aqeil's paper, and i haven't been inspired to bury my face in the xeroxed version of the book, guess the panic hasn't really kicked in yet.

today with the boy, it struck me how much longer will we remain friends. popped the question out at an unreasonable time, hence the ignorant reply. but seriously, how long? i do hope forever is in the option, as childish as it may sound. as per moment i can't imagine not talking to him after the span of 36 hours, nanti rindu.

and what's up with her being vindictive? what are u trying to prove, girl? when ur statements are all wrong. and unnaturally the only thing spewing from your rear are those words. it kinda makes u look like a clod, don't u think? aw well, not that i care, but it's just nice to hear some mindless gossip sometimes to pass time.

so yeah, the agendas after the paper's gonna be great. i'm thinking of taking up french, as pretentious as the language may sound, its beautiful. shit, why am i in law again?

i got jittery around sorrow

i felt it because i was unsure. is this the right thing to do? will it affect anything else? i knew it wouldn't happen, yet i started anyway. did that portray me as something i'm not? is it any different that we knew before it started? why the hell did i go in the first place?

le uber shit. but his body language afterwards did suggests positivity. then again, what do i know about psychology?

wait a minute, i hate psychology.

note

I'm tired.

I'm tired of idling around while everything that matters pass me by. Time won't wait for u anymore, so come on, do something will you? This is the time. Theres no more contemplating, nor being dilly-dally about it. So why?

Just suck it all in, theres so much more at stake then what you're missing. Theres so much more gift and glory to losses.

dum de dum

I'm in the mood to blog :D regardless that I overslept again and missed my Computer law class, it still doesn’t ruin the fact that the day is lovely and the sun still shines.

Happy, happy things had happened lately. All the past dramas and (might I even say it!) bullshit had passed, and I'm over the top that it did. But the icing on the cake would of course be… the amazing beach trip.

4 days of the pure nature. The sun, sea, and the fishes! And to a dear friend of mine, who showed me sides I’d never seen before (not so appealing now eh? Hahaha) I can’t say how happy I am to have gone on this trip with you. Funny stuff happened one after the other, the best being lost in the jungle. At least we had learned our lessons, always bring shoes, no matter what. ;) next stop… RECHARGE!

As planned, now would be the time to give it my all to my rightful cause. I made a promise to myself to make this semester better, and plenty are out there to see me do it. For the loves of my life, I shan’t fail this time. God please give me the courage and fortitude to make it happen.

absolut

last night was massive, crazy fun. in a million years (sober) i would never have let it to happen right here in this vicinity, ever. apart from the inappropriate location, things were pretty damn awesome ;) to the guys, u know who u are. u guys are massive.

he popped the question last night. but this time, i realized something had changed within me, as i did not immediately jump at the chance and screamed "YES" at the top of my lungs. i do not know whether this change is good or bad, the way i'm feeling for all this, and the things that we talk about. even after 18 months, we still couldn't figure out a way to exist cohabitantly, at the very least as friends. how are we to move ahead? we took that step, and turning back was the sanest thing we ever did in a long time.

i should come up with an answer soon. my heart and my mind are not at ease, however the outcome of the decision may be.

fuck this, i need a stiff one.

condescending

people always say u learn from your mistakes. honestly if someone does not learn from their past wrongs then life itself isn't worth living. so many things had been done, and nows the time to look back, and move ahead to a better direction.

now, this is specially for you. for someone who loves being treated right you have not even the slightest idea on how to treat someone else likewise. i do not expect you to like me, but please treat me with the proper respect i deserve. i regret not telling this to your face, but honest to god i will the next time i see you. you snubbed me three times, and i may not be as forgiving the next time.