my little bird

i envy you, how those thoughts flow so smoothly out. i wonder what's bothering you right now, what drove you to write it all down in pained emotions? i miss you, i wish i could come.

in conjunction with

Happy mother’s day Mak. I hope the measly card we gave you made you happy. I know it did, since u cried a bit when u got it. I love you, even when sometimes I don’t show it and mess things up beyond belief.

Over the past few years I know I haven’t been the best daughter to you. Constant worry has been your best friend next to Ayah and I feel that I'm partly to blame for that. Of all your children I suppose I'm the most troubled one. I can’t remember when’s the last time we had an honest conversation with each other, the last one being in 2006 when it happened. I miss the days when I was much younger and the things we do together. Even the grocery trips, the dinners and all. I know that you’re just mainly tired nowadays from all the workloads in your life. I'm sorry for being selfish, I'm sorry for being unkind.

I will make you proud of me one day, I will give you what you’re entitled to. What I'm doing, one day you will see and I hope u will understand it as well. I don’t rebel against you purposely; it’s just that we see things differently. There’s so many things I want to say to you, to show you how grateful I am for all that you’ve done. I'm who I am today because of you, of what you gave me. Sometimes resentment happens but in the end of the day I know who my family is.

I used to think that you’re the greatest person I know and I wanna be just like you. Things might be different now, but trust me Mak it’s not all that different. I'm sorry again for all that I’ve done, I know you don’t deserve such pains I bring you. I'm sorry. I love you.

I will try my hardest to make you proud. One day.