Friday, 30 November 2007

susah nak sayang orang


finally i am fucking done with the malaysian STD coursework shit. oh my god, i tell you, most of the information that they gave me was utterly useless. had to revamp the entire thing, but it wasnt that bad, just very tedious.

anyway, on a random note, i am such a lazyass, explains why my stomach is protruding out to say hello to the world. got hooked on online shopping nowadays, i fancythe idea of being able to browse, and buy without even moving a muscle! (exept the fingertips. of course)

been thinking a lot about that certain issue. should i get out now before it hurts even more? or should i keep on hanging and be stubborn and live by "the moment is the only thing that matters" principle? i hate this predicament, tau tak? liyana is so right, susah sayang orang. the older u get, the more complicated things are. fuck age.

i do feel like there's a lot of venting out to do, but the eyes are tired and the fingers are weary. i goddamn hope that fucking assignment bloody gives me enough marks to pass the subject. i would very much despise even the idea that i were to have to retake the subject. its torturous enough the first time around.

and oh, did the labour law mids earlier today. utter disaster nyahaha. guys, don't be fooled by the long essay, its all bullshit. i have a gift, i can beat around the bush and make conclusions out of nothing. nevermind, we all buat the second midterm sama sama yeahhhhhhhhhhhh!!

i like you. but apparently for adults (saying it with a slight sneer, yes, im starting to hate this word. egh.) thats not enough. sooo banyaklah other things to consider. yes, i'm hopelessly dreaming of a utopia, but who ever said that a girl can't keep dreaming.

and i do believe that i have changed a lot. i like it *hearts*

p/s- my posts lack pictures. i sangatlah sedih :'(

and my english is terrible nowadays. it is NOT grammatically correct!!!

Tuesday, 27 November 2007


omigod. my name is listed on number 67 on the FBL website. scary thing, theres only a couple of names that are familiar to me on that list though.

anyway, honestly, i'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, but i really don't feel all that pride anymore. yeah, the first few moments that i saw it i was practically jumping with joy, but now.. its just weird.

don't get me wrong, i am happy. but it's just that i don't feel like i deserve it, not that much. some other people had poured all their hearts and pulun gila study for it, and i feel that these hardworking souls deserve the recognitions more.

and me? just on the last week itself that i actually flipped through mountains of notes as thick as the phone directory.

countless times, i have told myself, study for the sake of knowledge, not just for exams. and also the equal numbers of time had i broke that vow. sucky innit, that u failed to even adhere to your own ideologies. if there is one thing i hate, is being looked down upon. call me stupid but i wan't to work for the things that i get, i want to actually feel the satisfaction of getting the things that i want.

it still doesn't feel all that good, since i know that at this state now i am undeserving of it. bah.

moving on. i am currently in love with the song "no one" by alicia keys. its just lovely :)

and i finally get to see him after around a week. but i feel that it is better this way, u know the feeling of rindu that had snowballed throughout the week, and finally its released. its like, the big BOOM of satisfaction ;)

p/s - happy nineteenth birthday ain fattin mohd noh. may this year brings u happiness and more chocolates :)

Monday, 26 November 2007

tell me it's allright

i'm feeling awful. i don't really know why, but ever since 5pm the feeling has been weird. knots in the stomach, dizziness, trouble focusing and weird red itchy spots appearing mysteriously on my body.

why? some days u just feel down, and i guess this is one of those days. i miss someone, but i can't really say it. he's busy with a lot of things now, and as lame as this sound, i think that's one of the reasons i'm feeling under the blue. bodoh kan?

and i'm scared for myself, i'm scared of what's going to happen to me, be it immediately or in the long run. i'm scared of what i might do, what i can and can't be able to do.

when all these feelings are translated into words, they often sound lame and meaningless, and god knows i'm not a poet, nor do i have any other ways to express myself effectively. i just need someone to hug me right now and tell me every thing's all right. the warmth of another person's body, the feeling of their skin. the silent "it's ok" being told countless times through their actions... i need that. i really do. but the funny thing is whenever i feel this way, there is often nobody around. these times reminds all of us that we are just lonely.

fuck it. these are the times when i wish i had a pet.

vromm much?

ok lah, i better update my page soon. it looks so kesian all empty and the same entry popping for almost a week.

aaanyway, the news all of us have been waiting for.

finally, i got my p(robationary) license! (in flesh, the card now rests beautifully in my wallet. so very the lawas) the first thing i did? went driving around my city (ehem, subang rawks no matter wat u guys say) for the whole weekend. obi was more than glad to shift the errand-runnings to me.

the verdict? first day, countless enjin matis and honks and middle fingers from the other drivers. hahaha. please, be gentle la people, complete beginner on the road! seriously people, be symphatetic when u see the big red Ps driving on the road. think of me. :)

2nd day, advanced slowly, my gear shifting has become smoother, and the car doesn't die as much (ok, only TWICE) on sunday ;)

saturday night, went out for the flynniversary event at one utama. hell, it was jam-packed. but we came only for hujan and meet uncle hussain, and who can belive our luck, we managed to see them both, back to back ;) the minute we entered the pit, muh performed and then followed by hujan. hohoho, was very worth it arriving there lateee.

saya suka, melompat-lompat sambil dengar muzik!

had the breakfast at sunday morning.the other girls took so long to arrive that i looked like a doofus waiting at the mamak sipping tea by myself, thank u so much. but i love being able to drive, gives me the freedom to be going anywhere i want, whenever i want, i am mobile WOOHOO. li saw the the thing i was driving and totally freaked out. ok, for most of you who dnt know, my blue wira is completely plastered with RHB bank's promotional stickers. u can see a bloody fortune cookie on both sides of the car, and yes it is uncool. but i aint complaining.

(was already warned by mak, she said i cant go out at night alone. and i cant go out too long. and i cant drive out of subang. hahaha, that was fast, only one day and three warnings already)

lets go on vacation people.

what do u do when someone is just feeling moody, and doesn't feel like doing anything. lethargic, sluggish and groggy that they wont even talk to anyone? do u leave them alone? offer help?


and i have to start studying for midterms okay.

Monday, 19 November 2007

pig you


my weekend is so complete. yesterdays library session + todays date (ehem) makes it an awesome weekend ;) an (almost) perfect date to end the weekend, plus the fact that half of bukit beruang wasn't powered gave the most beautiful candle-lit tables (hey even at habeeb okay!)

yes, i sangatlah a sucker for these kind of things. wat to do, the inner girl in me came out ;) have to have these kind of dates more often. maklumla we are all still young people kan, not 25-years married couple or something. they go on dates once a year, probably.

anyway, moving from the happy news, i just feel so strongly against this certain person right now. bloody fucker i hope u just drop into a hole and die. no names shall be mentioned here, but let me tell you something, DUDE.

u expect people to like you? you are one arrogant, self-righteous, rude, immature bastard mutherfucker. you have no regard at all to what other people are feeling, and everytime u open your mouth crap spews out. maybe thats ur butthole, who knows, cos i can't tell the difference at all, for the fact that it looks and functions like same way. seriously DUDE, i might never tell all this to your face, for god knows what reason, but seriously. you. need. to. change. DUDE.

i am through telling u your faults. i'm no longer obliged to, nor do i actually wish to do so. we are just friends, no, ACQUAINTANCES now. i don't give a shit about you, honestly. you can go suck wee's left ball til it shrinks for all i care.

now thats out of my system. lets put up some piccies, from yestrday :)

wee, moi, sheel and dasalini. the stripey thing at the back? ntah, hantu pokok kot ;)

again, benda jalur2 tu ada lagi. scary kan? ;)

for more pics, go to Crystals site (ehem, i plug u weh) and for the pics of us actually inside the place (for the first time!! omg) i'm still waiting for them too.. ;)

time for me to study human rights. tutorials tomorrow, and i'll be damned if i don't know shit about all these conventions.

p/s - didn't take pict with iranian. :( i suck.

Sunday, 18 November 2007

tahi cicak


i bet most of u guys are wondering why in the glistening blue sky is my blog called twelve am speed news. its not even updated daily at 12am, and heck its not even news. more like deranged thoughts from this pinkish electro-pulse inducing entity inside my head, which contrary to popular belief(s), still works fine.

wellll... let me tell u a story. once upon a time, a girl who sucks at naming things were born. and one fine day when the princess (ehem) turned 18-ish, she decided to take on this quest known as blogging, after failed at doing so for a very long time. as her birthright is that she sucks at christening stuff... she cracked her brains trying to think of a cool, scene name for her blogdom. finally, nightline came on TV3. and walla. *inser magic sparkles*

a miracle was created.

the end. (and they lived happily ever after)


so anyway, library sessions today was awesome. too bad there weren't any cute guys for me to menggatal with. hey i'm attached ok. have to give face a bit la pls. plus, this is good ol malacca, where news spread faster than butter on toast bread. it's a good thing, to hang out with friends, and cannot stress this more.

i lap yuuu guys!!!

u guys are the bestest craziest bunch of future justice officers i've met. and my god, the world really is doomed if the next generation's burdens are on our shoulders.. (makes me contemplate suicide. now that im at ixora, thigns are a lot easier no? meheh.)

and i hope that one of our friends will be fine tonight. hey, like the song line goes,

"even the best falls down sometimes"

but chill... there is also another song that goes..

"i love u, u love me, we are happy family"

as gay and garishly freaky that song is, i do believe that sums up most of it. we are here ok darl :)

mwaaaaaaaaaaaah!! time to masuk tidurland!

Saturday, 17 November 2007


stupid people, sucky malacca amounts to one of the best times us deranges souls can have. some people did the most dumbassy thing, lighting a mercun papan while squatting down, and resulting to him "Dancing" to the blasts. smarrrttt. very smart.

anyway, very comfortable now in my new home. i have everything i need, and i like it ;)

faster la people come visit me. then i will hold a housewarming party. but u guys provide ur own food.s

i wanna go on a nice dinner date. lets do that, shall we????

Friday, 16 November 2007


I have been contemplating a lot on the things that have been happening to me. Most of the time I am clueless, I just don’t know what the hell is going on. Especially in the region of relationships. I hate that I am not able to achieve anything in this…

I have read, I have heard stories, I formulate ideas and solutions, I thought of the scenarios over and over again in my head, but when the actual thing happens, I cannot do anything.

I am feeling very frustrated. I don’t want it to end, but the future seems so bleak. I don’t know what I should do, who I should talk to, I don’t even know anymore whats wrong here.

I don’t know.

Or maybe I do know, but I’m just too stupid to realize it.

How do u show that u care towards the person? Asking about themselves, about things that make them happy, talk about yourself, themselves, isn’t that enough? How do u know a person? How do u understand a person? Is there any way that it is impossible for u to understand someone? What makes them tick? Does language barrier really hinders understanding? Why can’t u understand? Is it hard? Why can’t I understand? Does honesty leads to better understanding? Opening your eyes without prejudice or expectations?

I really don’t get any of this. I should, I bloody hell should since it has taken too long for it to be just a glitch.

Could the problem be that I am just selfish beyond belief, that the only person I care about most is myself? How can someone say that you are perfect for them and yet not want them. I have a shitload of questions that makes me want to just run away and hide myself. But giving up doesn’t really seem appealing to me, but how do u know when enough is enough? Do u seriously need to take a step back in order to move forward?

Am I just not girlfriend material?

Monday, 12 November 2007



really, this craving is killing me. i can't sleep. i can't think. i want to do it.
its an addiction which i don't even know i was addicted to. i asked the iranian some question and it striked me that he is more patriotic then i am. do i love my country? i should.

and right now i am contemplating writing a serious blog entry. but i am so lazy, and i figured nobody would actually take a blog (from a person like me) seriously anyway.

i love those chilling sessions with the guys at mamaks. from random cock-talk to not so random political bashings, its all good, don't ya think? crystal left suddenly i wonder what happened to her? hope everything is good.

and right now i am dead hungry. there is nothing edible in the house and some idiot in my place sapu-ed my new stripey bowl. i wish them fuck.

tomorrow i gotta terminate my tenancy with EP. i bloody damn well hope they refund my deposit. i want that rm200 to go shopping hhahaha. and my new dresstop is torn at the pockets. lanciao betul, and i love that top. fuck flimsy materials. and i also have to go to the students admission units for some guidance, and i got to move in everything into ixora and steal dasha's mattress. i just told lina about me moving out, i don't really care that much about it. just thought it would be common courtesy to tell her.

i wonder how am i going to carry all the luggage up to ixora. the bloody room is on the 8th floor. let's hope the lifts are working fine.

i kinda fancy the idea of turning this into a rant-log.

mmmm... yummeh.

Sunday, 11 November 2007

i passed my jpj exam.
i will get my driver's license next week.
classes are dead boring.
i miss my friends.
i want my friends.
i wanna go dancing.
i miss ber-KAUZHAI-ing.
i miss being rich.
i want to be rich.
i want a guitar.
kami was awesome.
drugs are bad.
i'm finally moving into ixora.
i have no fridge anymore.
i want a fridge.
i need to do laundry.
im sleepy.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007


I want to update, but I haven't the slightest clue what to write. Sitting at my place in Subang now, freaking my mind off the JPJ exam tomorrow.

But I did find this beautiful poem. It was recited in the movie i watched earlier, and i think its absolutely beautiful. Just thought i should share it with u guys :)

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

absolutely gorgeous.

Saturday, 3 November 2007

bila aku sudah kebosanan

Yet another delayed entry. God I’m so lazy to type nowadays, I’d much rather they invent a voice-activated blogging device. But then the though of talking to myself (out loud) is kinda geeky in its own way.

Anyway, went to Laundry yesterday, to see Hujan perform. And my god the place was full to the brim! (literally, it was overflowing from the brim. I didn’t know Laundry was such a popular place) Hujan was good, I have personally seen an actual CROWD-DIVE in real life. That was awesome freaking awesome. Too bad I didn’t manage to find Zahier, as the place was way to packed to be looking for anything.

Went back at around 12, since Liyana has a curfew, and she was driving. Met up with her friends for a while before that, they seemed like really atas people, didn’t hang around much, which I was pretty glad not to.

With Li. Mom was right, i shouldnt smile too much. i look scary.

Hujan. the frontman is so comel!

p/s- I don't get it why people have to RECORD the performance rather then watching it and enjoy it. I mean, I'm sure its because they want to remember the performance, and watch it again when they think about it But the quality of handphone recordings aint that great, and I'm pretty sure someone else is already doing it. You don't need 10 people to get the same thing.

Somehow I think my writing skills have gone to sound draggy and boring. But lets not let that get me down.

Today, went for the usual bi-yearly rebonding trip, and after three times of the guy cooing me to dye my hair, I finally gave in. had goldish highlights, and I think they look kinda fine ;) (though not really visible. Should’ve done a thinner layer at the top. Nevermind, in due time… )

So that’s the update on my mundane life. Next week is going to be the start of a new sem. Oh joy.

p/s – I am so not cool.

Thursday, 1 November 2007

questions to blogger users.

1. how do u put a bg photo?
2. chatbox? etc etc?
3. my blog tak lawa. asal? :(

full circle.

Okay-lah, was super ecstatic last night, but didn't keep the feeling for long. (around 15 hours, maybe)

Failed the slope test. There goes RM150, fucking expensive. I want to cry now huhuhuhh. Doing it again next week.

Ice-creamed with li and jannah. Best siot, should make it a point to do it more often. And steal songs from her hohohoho.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! Someone's back from perantauan. Guess who, guess la guess la!! :D