happiness

omigod. my name is listed on number 67 on the FBL website. scary thing, theres only a couple of names that are familiar to me on that list though.

anyway, honestly, i'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, but i really don't feel all that pride anymore. yeah, the first few moments that i saw it i was practically jumping with joy, but now.. its just weird.

don't get me wrong, i am happy. but it's just that i don't feel like i deserve it, not that much. some other people had poured all their hearts and pulun gila study for it, and i feel that these hardworking souls deserve the recognitions more.

and me? just on the last week itself that i actually flipped through mountains of notes as thick as the phone directory.

countless times, i have told myself, study for the sake of knowledge, not just for exams. and also the equal numbers of time had i broke that vow. sucky innit, that u failed to even adhere to your own ideologies. if there is one thing i hate, is being looked down upon. call me stupid but i wan't to work for the things that i get, i want to actually feel the satisfaction of getting the things that i want.

it still doesn't feel all that good, since i know that at this state now i am undeserving of it. bah.

moving on. i am currently in love with the song "no one" by alicia keys. its just lovely :)

and i finally get to see him after around a week. but i feel that it is better this way, u know the feeling of rindu that had snowballed throughout the week, and finally its released. its like, the big BOOM of satisfaction ;)

p/s - happy nineteenth birthday ain fattin mohd noh. may this year brings u happiness and more chocolates :)