hate

I have been contemplating a lot on the things that have been happening to me. Most of the time I am clueless, I just don’t know what the hell is going on. Especially in the region of relationships. I hate that I am not able to achieve anything in this…

I have read, I have heard stories, I formulate ideas and solutions, I thought of the scenarios over and over again in my head, but when the actual thing happens, I cannot do anything.

I am feeling very frustrated. I don’t want it to end, but the future seems so bleak. I don’t know what I should do, who I should talk to, I don’t even know anymore whats wrong here.

I don’t know.

Or maybe I do know, but I’m just too stupid to realize it.

How do u show that u care towards the person? Asking about themselves, about things that make them happy, talk about yourself, themselves, isn’t that enough? How do u know a person? How do u understand a person? Is there any way that it is impossible for u to understand someone? What makes them tick? Does language barrier really hinders understanding? Why can’t u understand? Is it hard? Why can’t I understand? Does honesty leads to better understanding? Opening your eyes without prejudice or expectations?

I really don’t get any of this. I should, I bloody hell should since it has taken too long for it to be just a glitch.

Could the problem be that I am just selfish beyond belief, that the only person I care about most is myself? How can someone say that you are perfect for them and yet not want them. I have a shitload of questions that makes me want to just run away and hide myself. But giving up doesn’t really seem appealing to me, but how do u know when enough is enough? Do u seriously need to take a step back in order to move forward?

Am I just not girlfriend material?