Thursday, 4 September 2014
i did not know what you were, or what you wanted from me.
i did not know why it took you 16 years to come.
i did not know why you came now.
but i did learn, in futility, the breaking of my soul, my innocence.
i did learn the root of my distrust.
i did learn of the walls i built up.
i did learn the incomprehensible logic it taught me.
i did learn, and in that, you ruined me.
but i did not learn to tell anyone yet.
nor that i ever will.
as the last person who held my resolute trust has gone, gone, to ashes.
and honey, it can never be you. so, so precious.
three years on fire, clouded in smoke. that's the price I had to pay.
still, I will never be complete, whole, one again.
if only you could see, through the glasses i forged for you all these years,
see what I really am.
then maybe i'll be free. just, maybe.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
I miss my past life. I miss the excitement, I miss the people, I miss the stimulation, but most of all, I miss the opportunities. Yes, that sweet, sweet possibilities that anything could happen. Now it's all monotony, and routine. And that makes me sad, to think that life amounts to just this.
It's alright, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving. There's nowhere to go to but forward, and u better damn well have courage for it.
Keep moving, keep moving.
Monday, 21 November 2011
No, this is not longing, and neither is it envy. It is not a diverged road, or an alternative. If I had to explain, it feels like something setting me free.. confirming what I already know.
Here's to wishing you all the best. May your road be paved in gold from now on.
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
I was chatting with a friend earlier this month ; and as we were catching up to life, love in particular I found myself saying this;
“xxxx is a game, we all got to play it”
Right after saying it, I realized how different I sounded from last year. Before this I never acknowledged the need to play at this game. Back then, all I believed in was where there are two people with the same feelings, that alone is enough to get them by. No manipulations, no calculations and no strategies in capturing the one thing you want, its nothing like this game of chess I’m trying to play now.
What had changed me in me? Did I change at all? Maybe I was too contented before, enough to believe that alls good in this world. Naiveté? Probably. Did experience teach us all to be cynical at the end? Maybe. But is it not enough to just follow that drive inside of you, and not to count your every single move? Is this really growing up?
I don’t know, somebody please explain it to me. I don’t like me this year.