i just need to be stronger. i need to constantly test myself to handle the rocks thrown at me. doing the things that you hate to do, will turn out to the the best thing to do after all. i need a sign, a strength that will push me forward.

i need other things to matter so that all my scrutiny doesn't get channeled to this single thing. i need to declutter everything in my box. i need to start over and unlearn 20 years of education. i need to change. i wont even ask for help as it is something that needs to be done by myself.

funnily enough the moment when i was the most clear was that period in between. think how it used to feel jas, and try to get there.

be strong my love.

greetings

i'm in paradise, yet strangely i feel terrible. i want to go home. i'm not whining, but it's just hard to bear. arrrrgh. let's hope i won'y be quarantined tomorrow.