chosen

Got the news a couple of weeks back. I always knew it was never an option for me, but it still hits a spot for some reason.

No, this is not longing, and neither is it envy. It is not a diverged road, or an alternative. If I had to explain, it feels like something setting me free.. confirming what I already know.

Here's to wishing you all the best. May your road be paved in gold from now on.

Goodbye.

absence

Hey there, been a while old friend.

I'm feeling lost. 6 months prior, I was having a panic attack, added with denial and self delusion. Glad we're past that stage, but now a new phase comes altogether - the actual dreaded moment, that one that we've been fantasizing, feeding and yet rejecting all this while.

So many questions, so little answers... I've been feeling it creeping up, slowly and surely but yet still unable to perceive what it is. It's like a fucken ninja stalking you from the darkness, there's no running away from that shit. (pardon my french)

But yeah, had a massive row with E few days back, it hurts when you realize that you don't matter so much for a considerate thought. This.. in a way was an eye-opener, and I hope we did the right thing by addressing it. It's funny though, a 12-step approach is kind of the best way to tackle any problems that comes your way.

But.. to be honest though, something inside of me changed a bit. No, I'm not talking about the whole graduating-and-coming-into-the-real-world change.. but this is more. I can't quite put my finger on it yet (or maybe I do, and I just don't want to tell you. HA-HA) but one thing I know is that the journey just got a little bit harder.

Past resentments, it does not help that you linger. To everyone else, how do you make it go away?