the other side of the world

Yesterday I fell asleep watching Tun Perak the musical. It was embarrassing, even more to li. The thing is, I had high expectations, I always do. And I think this is my downfall in almost every situation.

I resent that. This might sound bad, but growing up where it doesn’t compel you to do anything does u no good. Having people constantly putting you down for the things that u might even think to challenge isn’t good. Everything is too rigid, there isn’t any choice. Clear cut rules have been made, but it just wasn’t made for me.

Somehow I know I can’t blame them for everything, though as much as I want to. Do I have to live with this? Knowing there are things out there that I will never experience? See, that’s just where we are different, and somehow I think this difference is just palpable. I don’t feel any belonging, any attachments rather that what was already constituted. It’s not just them, it’s the whole bunch of them. So what is the concept for? A pre-made set of rules that seemingly makes things easier and yet it doesn’t.

God, sometimes I just feel like cutting. A sharp, fast cut.

the 100th post!

rejoice, it made it this far! let's celebrate! whilei realize i don't blog as much, the fault is really just plain 'ol genetics. you see, one was not blessed with the literary gene, hence parents in banking and siblings in engineering says it all. 33 hours away to aqeil's paper, and i haven't been inspired to bury my face in the xeroxed version of the book, guess the panic hasn't really kicked in yet.

today with the boy, it struck me how much longer will we remain friends. popped the question out at an unreasonable time, hence the ignorant reply. but seriously, how long? i do hope forever is in the option, as childish as it may sound. as per moment i can't imagine not talking to him after the span of 36 hours, nanti rindu.

and what's up with her being vindictive? what are u trying to prove, girl? when ur statements are all wrong. and unnaturally the only thing spewing from your rear are those words. it kinda makes u look like a clod, don't u think? aw well, not that i care, but it's just nice to hear some mindless gossip sometimes to pass time.

so yeah, the agendas after the paper's gonna be great. i'm thinking of taking up french, as pretentious as the language may sound, its beautiful. shit, why am i in law again?

i got jittery around sorrow

i felt it because i was unsure. is this the right thing to do? will it affect anything else? i knew it wouldn't happen, yet i started anyway. did that portray me as something i'm not? is it any different that we knew before it started? why the hell did i go in the first place?

le uber shit. but his body language afterwards did suggests positivity. then again, what do i know about psychology?

wait a minute, i hate psychology.