when u stop believing?

I was chatting with a friend earlier this month ; and as we were catching up to life, love in particular I found myself saying this;

“xxxx is a game, we all got to play it”

Right after saying it, I realized how different I sounded from last year. Before this I never acknowledged the need to play at this game. Back then, all I believed in was where there are two people with the same feelings, that alone is enough to get them by. No manipulations, no calculations and no strategies in capturing the one thing you want, its nothing like this game of chess I’m trying to play now.

What had changed me in me? Did I change at all? Maybe I was too contented before, enough to believe that alls good in this world. Naiveté? Probably. Did experience teach us all to be cynical at the end? Maybe. But is it not enough to just follow that drive inside of you, and not to count your every single move? Is this really growing up?

I don’t know, somebody please explain it to me. I don’t like me this year.

borderline insane

it doesn't understand negatives. it doesn't understand "no" or "don't". it doesn't get humour, nor sarcasm. all these are just the manifestations of it. now.. the trick is, you can program it to give you what you want. the moment u visualize it, it will materialize, how cool is that?

well somebody told me these secrets, and i personally envy him for being the blessed child. but i'm going to try them anyway. just don't expect me to abandon all moroseness altogether, that's why i have you, my love. maybe i'm making allowances for myself, but c'est la vie.

c'est la vie, c'est la vie.

life's too awful to be good. oh wait, i meant that the other way around. :)

the chair

It has always been there, with us and you left it with me when you went away.
Three years of condensed memories, all sticking on it like the faint smell of smoke.

I didn't want to let you go, but things had to go on.

I didn't want to leave you but I had to.

I want to be angry at someone, but I can't.

Now when the nights fill me and the thoughts come rushing in, I find myself lost again.

I miss you terribly, take me away. Please.