Friday 28 March 2008

here comes the sun, little darling.

It has been a bumpy week. I could see it coming from a mile away, right after stepping foot into this place again.

Two out of three midterms were done in a nonchalant, half-asleep manner, in which I credit my sudden irregular sleeping habit and constant headaches for.There are also the mysterious skin rashes which appear at random places on my limbs, unexplainable to their cause that’s been causing me to wonder what my body is trying to tell me.

Then there is the whole charade with that particular person, which had been resolved in the best manner for both of us. Things are good now between me and Moji, and honestly I couldn’t ask for a better ending of a chapter that will open up a newer, better chapter for both of us. The break-up had been prolonged, and though I have chosen the worse timing possible to bring it up… somehow we managed to make sense of it. actually, he did, and I'm glad that it happened.

Had another phone call from mom last night, and as usual, it ended up with both sides getting frustrated. Family matters rarely bother me, but these days it seem to have taken a place in me. Places I never knew existed, places I didn’t know could irk me so much. I hate it when each time we hang up, or finish a conversation my heart just feels like it’s leapt out, beating so hard that it constraints my chest and I have this incontrollable restlessness. Sure, It dies off after a while and apologies were conveyed, but yet when we talk again the same thing happens, over and over again like a fucking cycle. I hate to sound immature but I hate that I have no cards to play, nor a say in the things that matters to me at all.

Another thing that irked me in particular was how I'm lagging a lot behind in my relationship with my friends. To tell the truth honestly I miss them, and I feel like there are a lot of things that I’ve missed lately. I had a bad hunch upon waking up today, and true enough things weren’t exactly golden. Started with the mids, then there’s the slight feeling of being left out, and to put the icing on the cake there was inadequacy.

A lot of people had asked me to stop this habit of inhaling filth to my lungs, allowing it to contaminate myself and releasing an even deadlier air to my surroundings. One even threatened me of bodily harm so that I’ll curb it. But as sad as it is to say, that’s pretty much the only solace I run to for refuge these days. It feels good, and wrong at the same time that it’s utterly comforting. Somehow that didn’t make any sense at all, but it just feels right.

Anyway, I don’t know what’s up with you, or what has been bothering you. But I do know that if you have some dissatisfaction in me, it would really be appreciated if the feeling is conveyed to me.

Here’s a toast to make tomorrow better.

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