absolut

last night was massive, crazy fun. in a million years (sober) i would never have let it to happen right here in this vicinity, ever. apart from the inappropriate location, things were pretty damn awesome ;) to the guys, u know who u are. u guys are massive.

he popped the question last night. but this time, i realized something had changed within me, as i did not immediately jump at the chance and screamed "YES" at the top of my lungs. i do not know whether this change is good or bad, the way i'm feeling for all this, and the things that we talk about. even after 18 months, we still couldn't figure out a way to exist cohabitantly, at the very least as friends. how are we to move ahead? we took that step, and turning back was the sanest thing we ever did in a long time.

i should come up with an answer soon. my heart and my mind are not at ease, however the outcome of the decision may be.

fuck this, i need a stiff one.