my memory will fail me someday, maybe. so i better write up on that day :)

the plan was to watch avp, but seeing as it was a public holiday, i was pretty sure that there wouldn't be any tickets at all, and seeing as he wanted to take a cab there it seemed pretty stupid. so i went ahead and rented a car, and thank goodness the lady had one available (it was the last one :D somehow i am convinced that i am very lucky). drove to mbo, which, of course was full. decided to wander off to mp instead...

...and somehow we ended up in starbucks. the place where we had our first date, somwhere in february i guess. sat near the exact same place, but the difference is now i am a different person, and he is a year older hahaha.

walked around for a bit, and he swears he won't come shopping with me ever again. (yeah, but it was okay for him to browse around, kan?) later decided on where to have dinner, and since his meat-craving side came out, tried to find places where they served steak. ended up in asian havana cafe, and i was so glad he liked it. funny thing was, i don't remember why i never told him about the place before.

well, to tell the truth, i would rather bring him to nicer places, but as we are in malacca, we will just have to make do with what we have. hopefully soon, i will be able to do all the best things for him.

went back to his place, and had our little celebration :)

had cake, took a few pics and the funniest thing happened. shall not be mentioned here for my safety tho ;) got him a book, and the shirt that he had been eyeing for a few times. baby i'm so glad that u liked it. was contemplating pf getting him perfume instead but that can wait.

babe,

i like you a lot. sometimes, when i think about it , i have the idea that it could just be the fact that i am used to having you around, but then sometimes i think that its real. i know how you feel towards me, and its just hard sometimes. but let's not think about the future too much, shall we. let's just enjoy now. and right now, i am totally head over heels with you <3 you're a wonderful guy, and i really appreciate the fact that you open up to me, and accepts me as i am, though u are a very different person from me. and i know u wish sometimes i am more mature, grown up, probably a woman and not a girl. through all the screw-ups i made, ur able to look past it and give me another chance. i will make myself better, not just for ur sake, but for mine also. right now, i can't think of anyone else to be around with, to spend my time with, to hang out with, to tell things to, to worry and be happy with. ...though you look (and act) like one bodoh sometimes, i still like you!

self-explainatory

being sick sucks.


now excuse me while i hibernate for another twelve-hours.

pro-cras-ti-na-tion

merry christmas everyone. to the ones who sent me text messages, thanks, but i seriously don't know who 012 is.

okay.
something is wrong here.

i stayed back in malacca, over the long weekend (friday-tuesday). instead of going back, celebrating eidul adha, abang li's engagement, quality family time and (probably) partying on xmas eve and so on, i decided to stay here. in malacca.

why? did i lose my mind?

no. i wanted to study. (oh yes i wanted so badly)

and after 4 days have passed,i should at least finish up on the human rights presentation, with full texts and commentaries, and kowtim a few chaps of labour law. am i right.?

.....hahaha.

let's be realistic. i suck.

so it's christmas eve. AND (today, if u wanna be technical) it's moji's birthday. yay. so people, try and guess whats the difference between my boyfriend and jesus ;)

anyway, gonna celebrate it tomorrow, i hope things will go well. i seriously couldn't plan anything. wanted to "surprise" him with something. had ideas of sexy lingerie and/or a strip dance, but realized i wasn't feeling sexy. had ideas of the whole shnizz (rose petals, wine and all) but i don't have a key to his place. had ideas of a romantic dinner but i'm broke. had ideas of doing something fun, but i realized that we are in our exam week. and fun isn't one of the staples.
fuck mmu.

got him a book. don't know whether it was a right thing to get him, but i like the idea of him reading a book with his face all frowned trying to concentrate. super cute.

all the clubs in malacca is full today. hahaha. cube was like another station 3, cinabengs and rempits who should belong in hang tuah mall instead. not going there again.

okay. time to deactivate myself and get ready to study (for real) tomorrow.



and danial, all the best in china. come back with heaps of money and swoon dasha off her feet.

i'm broke.

people keep on saying that, i keep on saying it so many times. but seriously, this spending habit is getting a bit out of control.

i withdrew rm300 today.

and theres less than rm50 left.

what the fuck did i do?? i don't even know.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

by this rate, all the ptptn money would have lesap into thin air. and i will be penniless!!

shopping will be hiatus until next break. even online ones

butiwanthtecardiandthattopandthatjeans

been spending the past week with moji when finally last night i left him alone to continue with his studying. sometimes i can't help but feel like i am disturbing him when i'm around. i sleep, i laze around and i don't do anything. some motivation eh? :(

went back to KL this morning. was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that i spent a lot. and got moji's present for him. hope he will like it. went to bangsar, and i never realized it was such a high-end place. fuck, no place for a student like me to be roaming around.

but it's good motivation to earn a lot later on.

there is this chaos inside of me. it's coming out from uncertainty and worries. about life, love, and other things. i screwed up sometime ago, and it came back to haunt me as i did yet another bad choice. i don't want to be that kind of person, but the fact is already did it. what i can do now is just to make sure things don't go as ugly as it did.

i miss the things that everyone is doing, but don't talk about it.

:)

itch

its 3am in the morning and the mokgobjas down the road are still partying. i can hear the music clearly from 3 houses away. best part is they play the first 10secs of each song and then change it. bodoh.

to sha, im really really sorry for canceling out last minute. i know its very frustrating when someone does that and i know this isn't the first time i did it, i'm so sorry. it won't happen again, i promise.

p/s - iranian looks so good with formal clothes wei. so yummy yummy til can strip him off and eat him raw - w - <3

and the itch is back. fucking itch. FUCKING ITCH. this is where my willpower comes in.

want

any of u want to know the feeling of torture? i am not proud to say, but i did experienced it last night, and i can tell u how it feels.

it is when u itch, but there is no way u can ever scratch, or touch the place that itches.

i tell you, that IS the worst feeling in the world. both pysically and mentally.

just thinking about it makes my buluroma meremang. brrrrr!

anyway, went to DP(again) to try to find another pair of jeans. hey, it is the sales season, and all the pre-exam tension is catching up to me, i need a place to release, no? what better way than to have (imaginary) retail therapy, and i also wntd to spend some time with that handsome iranian boy. sad enough, didn't get any nice buys, as the stores here didn't carry bigger sizes for me. bodoh kn? they think all malaysians are stickthin and cardboard-like ke?

but as i was walking around, saw something i really liked. now people, i don't usually do this, but seeing my birthday is coming round the corner this february... around the ninth of the month... and you know, as the kind and thouhgtful person i am, i would like to save u guys the trouble of finding me a present... may i recommend you something?

!!! retailing at roxy stores near you(DP) at only rm 189.90 !!!

so very the lawa, blood red colour with quilted heart-shaped design and stuff. with the perfect size (not too small, and not too big like an oversized carrier) and got the buckle thingy at the front. cantiiiiiiiik!!

....but anyway, this is just a recommendation. feel free to get me anything else :) but hey, i do recommend u guys get this one. it will make me extremely happy.

hehe. sorry a bit mukatakmalu.

missed cube last night because i just came back from dinner, and when i read the msg it was a bit too late. heard some things happened, but hey V, just explain everything to her, i'm sure she will appreciate your honesty. and she is a nice, wonderful girl, she will understand. besides, it will always be better to hear things from you yourself, however bad it will be rather than coming out of someone else, whose words may be twisted by malicious intentions. i wish u all the best, dude.

anywayyyyyysssssssssssssssssssss heard from crys the delusion of some people. i guess when someone has too many shadows hiding in their closets, every single statement that mirrors their behaviour, however minute it is stings them like a poisonous venom. as accurately depicted in the malay proverb, siapa makan cili, dia yang terasa pedasnya.

thats why... didn't your mothers ever told u guys to be nice to everyone? live a life with a clear conscience and clear mind? see, now, at the beginning of ur life, where all u actually need to worry is to grow up and study, theres just way too much things to cloud your mind. i pity these people. pity, don't hate.

and i should be studying, or at least get ready for the presentation tomorrow. but i feel so demotivated, even with the iranian sitting infront of me studying.

i guess i need the push. or desperation, or both. :(

merge them baby

i finally popped the giamungous zit on my left cheek. man, the thing is just uglorrendous, its not the cute pink shade that its supposed to be but a dark maroon greyish dead colour. but i think the core is still inside, too scared to press it harder. damn pain wei.

and for the second consecutive day, i went to jogging. made a promise to myself (and one other person) that i will lose my tummy by the end of beta. why? cos i wanna be hot. how? by jogging and doing ab practices everynight :)

and i just blew all seven rounds and 100 situps by eating a plate of oily greasy plate of char kuey teow. (that wasn't even all that nice, but i ate it all anyway. retardation)

but. WHY the hell do all my friends have to be on holiday now? keep getting sms-es asking to hng out, but in reality is i HAVE EXAMS IN TEN DAYS TIME. (and naturally, haven't studied shit). WHY can't u guys cuti when i have cuti? WHY do u have to put me in this state or torture? WHY??? stupid mmu.

and my cbox rosak. how do i fix it?

i'm still alive.

yeah. saya masih di sini.

weekend was a bomb. went to mardi gras saturday night, and as much as i love the city, the crowd was just so-so. no cute guys, nil. there was this one boy, but he looks 15, and dating children are against my principles. and some girls were talking about us (i.e. me, sha) behind our backs, and frankly i don't give a rats ass about what you say. i know what i am doing, and if u say we dance like sluts or anything, we didn't make any advances at any guys nor do we actually did something bad. its just dancing girls, and it is a club for freaking gods sake. sheesh, women.

also made some time to actually go to comic fiesta. well, there isn't much hype about it anymore, lost interest in the whole ACG fandom thing quite some time ago. just bought ade's doujin, the rakuen and i must tell ya, mahata is pretty darn good. he could go pro if he wanted to.

funny thing, how come i still keep in contact with dan? soemtimes i just pity him, sometimes i just miss his company, but ultimately i don't know why i keep hanging around. come on, cut off all ties, and just move away ok. it's not really something you'll miss in the long run.

moji's gonna have to move into a new place soon. i want to bring him around to kl and all the nice dining places, hang out and stuff. but theres 15 days to go til the end of the exams, and i still havent started on anything.

shit.

valiappati mamaleh mamaleh

two consecutive nights of midnight mcd binging.

i hate myself.

mana tak gemuk, makan makanan so fucking healthy and at the right hours pulak tu.

seriously. what happened to my resolution to lose the hefty 5kgs before new year's eve? what happened to fitting into jeans and tops without my stomach bulging out? what happened to having a hot jessica alba body and getting all the hot chicks? what happened! oh my self-control is just as hard as a Styrofoam board.

why.
why.
why.

if i eat one more midnight-mcd i swear i will make myself become bulimic. but it's also mcd's fault for being so available, and for opening twenty four hours. in ten years time malaysians will be like the fat fat americans. long live uncle mac.

up at 5am finishing up the labour law assignments. sometimes i hate doing this to myself. fuck the weather, its been so gloomy and cold, perfect weather to chill and sleep all day. and my attendance has dropped to 33.3%. but on a brighter news, finally did the malaysian studies presentation. super retarded mamaleh dance, but we still rocked harder then the kuda kepang fiasco of crazy mutated 2d horses.

fuck.

i do complain a lot. but that's just good therapy.

p/s - did u know my first diary's name is "jake". every post started with a "dear jake". haha, super lame.

starting today, 200 sit ups, 45mins jogging. sit at home, be stationary and cry. (and study)

i'm conforming.

yes, u read right.

i feel like becoming one of "everyone else", the ones that look like sheeps, as according to miss nilsson.

i want to get one of those bags big enough to hide a chihuahua. (most probably the corpse of one, after i finish beating and kicking those little buggers)

D:

positive & negative

i seem to be extremely pissed off at one particular thing, idiocy.

yes. in general, i am a pretty tolerant person. heck, you can continuously piss me off, and i won't even breathe a word of dissatisfaction towards you, but the moment you cross the line from being annoying to idiotic, that's it. good bye.

i just don't get it, why, WHY! i believe all humans are equal, if not have at least a default capability of thinking. that is exactly why they call it common sense. COMMON. look it up in any dictionary and i am pretty sure it means something that is familiar to all. but why is it, that some unfortunate souls just fail to grasp the workings of this convenient sense. oh my god.

let's take specimen A. it works at a fast food joint (e.g. mcdonalds) as a cashier. some customers came in through the drive-thru lane, and orders for a single french fry. specimen A, not exerting common sense to just key in what the customer orders, decided on herself to double the order and give her two french fry instead. after that comes the tedious, long process of actually canceling the orders, calling the manager etc etc. see, wouldn't the world work smoother if she had actually used her sense, and just fucking give the customer what s/he asked for. thats why its called making an order moron, you just followed the aforementioned orders.

take specimen B, for another equally-good example. after calling a truce, with other partie(s) that wasn't even wrong in the first place after a long and pathetic argument with bad breaths and unnecessary screaming, empty threats and inane words, comes to their personal websites and starts making remarks that shows the IQ of a ten-year old, (where this specimen supposedly was a law student, who had gotten into the dean's list on one occasion, and is seen listening attentively in class and studies often, how that happens, thats's another of life's great mysteries) and doesn't even come close to being offensive, it just merely passes as laughable and pathetic. (and self-degrading, desperately yearning for attention, among others). see, if specimen B had taken just a bit of time, to actually think and, dig up for information, maybe, just maybe it could come up with insults that actually hits the spot. and not just statements that show the condition of their pathetic, closed little minds that equals to an uneducated person living in the rural area.

fucktards. they're everywhere.

okay.

happy things.

i love it when he takes the decision to take me out. why? because it shows that he actually wants to be there, and that makes the whole lotta difference for both of us. me, especially :)

i love when he holds out his hand at the back, expecting me to grab it, and holds it for a few seconds on the fingers just before letting go. it's sweet.

i love it when he makes a fool out of himself, and gets caught red-handed and shows that cheeky smile where his eyes almost disappear.

i love it when he stubbornly decides to get popcorn for the movies, even after a full dinner. just because he likes it, and give lame excuses like "sugar helps u digest"

i love it when i get to kiss him when nobody's watching, and only he and me realizes what happened, and he pretends nothing happens.

i don't like it when he brings up the topic again. i don't like it when he teases me on things that i can't retort back. i don't like it when he sometimes act indifferent, but that's just the way it is.

i love the feeling that i have when i'm around him, that's all that matters, isn't it?

today i ate a lot. no wonder the weights been going up the scales. ate lunch, danced, ate dinner, slept. woke up, ate cookies.

i suck.

and now, headed off to iranian's house to chill. yay.

good luck to islamic consti students. hahaha.

"he walks past us, you leave your food and walk him home as if takut he kena rogol, and walk back alone to us
either u kene jampi, or u really care for him la kan?"

this made me happy ;), for no apparent reason.

fucktards.

there are just too many fucktards in this world. they walk amongst us, sometimes gone unnoticed, sometimes blatantly obvious with a big red neon sign that indicates their idiocy. now, i'm not sure everybody knows what happened to us in our msian studies class. but i don't actually want to recall the tale here. it's bad for my karma. but seriously, the level of idiocy these people go to just never cease to amaze me, never.

what the fuck is wrong with you people? can't you just wallow into a hole, and say, die and make the world a much much better and beautiful place for everyone? if human contact is just too much for u to handle, common courtesy too complicated to comprehend, just stay off the streets, go back in your cave and stay there. trust me, it would make things a lot easier for everyone.

now that's off my chest. let's waste time on something more worthwhile.

for some who knows me, i may seem like a swinger. no not that kind in changing partners often, but more to changing my set of friends. i do admit that i do have some problems opening up to certain social situations (i.e. RELATIONSHIPS) , so i find it hard, and an unbelievably alien concept for me to be opening up to people. and to tell them what matters, what makes me tick and so on. that is why, for me, it was very easy making friends, surface ones at that.

as for the posses i left, there was various reasons for me to be doing so. the cf bunch was just a bit screwed up in the head. the people i was close with during the beginning at alpha just seemed too shady, and the green gang, well. that's what i wanted to talk about.

honestly, they are nice, amazing down-to-earth people. i truly enjoyed the time i spent with them, but after some time i realized something. they're just kids.

no, i'm not saying i'm the most grown-up person in the world, but i think that life needs a certain level of maturity to advance too.

i don't want to be playing games for the rest of my life. honestly, i had enough of animes and games and the whole obsessing about something-thing, it's enough. i like the place i am now.

so, yeah. i never told anyone about this, and i don't mean to hurt anyone, if i do, i am sorry.

okay.

back to idiocy. why do some people do this. tell one half of the story, and then pause and make u beg and ask the question again and again as if you're dying to know the rest of the story, and then refrain from saying so also.

please laaaaaaaaaaaaaa. who gives a fuck about your story. it's obvious that you are just dying to tell me, for the fact that noone else wants to talk to you.

haha. i feel so evil now. but i couldn't care less.

p/s - you're such a nice guy, you can't say bad things to other people. and yet with me, u continuously never fail to insult me. mucho gracias.

here in malacca, the favourite pastime of everyone, is to sip iced-tea and cock-talk about every soul that passes them. how to steer yourself from them? don't go out. i guess society in a whole is like that, this is just the small-scale of how the fucked up thing works. but, sometimes don't blame the community, blame yourself for providing enough cookie-bits for them to trail u back into your dirty little secret hole.

dug up this old pic. look at how nice my ass looked in those pants last time. now? ptuii. time to buy new jeans (or a new pair of ass)

it changed

on a happier note.

weather these days have been fantastic! i totally dig it, and wish that it would stay this way forever. but, as opposed to last year around these times, i have developed a (few) layers of adipose tissues to keep me warm hahaha! breezy and sunny, perfect for just chilling outside and let the sun soak into your skin. perfect weather for a holiday too. anyone up for it? :D

it's somewhat alarming that i only make sad melancholic posts, i should write happy things also, right? soooooooooooo let's recap on the happy things that happened to me these past few days

1. stoner is so cute. i damn layu.
2. i have munnneeey to waste!!! :D
3. not exactly happy, but midterms are coming, and the fucked up std presentations, and the assignments. *grumblegrumblebrumble*
4. i think plenty of people are cute. am i being a bad gf?

ok. i need to study. damn you. why can't i be like all the other good students and just study everyday and get good grades and lead a good life etc etc. (i'm referring to the bookworms. like my former housemates. damn good student wei!)

p/s - i still think stoner is cute. and naju's abang's body is to die for. yummeh yummeh.

i think i'm turning into a horny slobbering aunty now. better stop it.

and. i wonder if anyone from subang is reading my blog. comment la you people, i'm very lonely :( saya perlukan kasih-sayang kamu. kita love.

waiting for the world to change

i'm in a funk right now.

i don't know how to explain it, i'm surrounded by everything that i want, and i know what i should be doing. and yet, it feels so restless. i see people around me, i know there are some of them like me, but damn, humans are so conveniently built. they hide these things really well.

i have just been sleeping a lot, sleep sleep. feeling lethargic but at the same time nervous and restless. why? sleep just makes the feeling disappear for a while, and that feels good.

i bet i look like shit now. hahaha.

okay.

weekends are supposed t be fun, isn't it? the marker of the end of a week, the escape from the routine days of either studying or working, the whole TGIF shizzam, it's supposed to bomb by default.

and it did ;) *insert silly grin*

i just wanna say. i love you u guys so much. thank you tasalini for keeping m company for the whole night and ditching the pak arab. thanks ihsan for not saying anything. thanks crys for having friends who gave me a free drink... (seriously, i feel bad). and i had a good time :)

annddddddddddddddddddddd. my housemate turned out to be not so bad afterall. had a little chat with her, shes ok i guess. comel. i like.

and the stoner is so cute. yeah, i can't think of any intellectual things to write. tomorrow shall be the day. time for bed, good night.

good luck to the student(s) who's having three midterms next week, mwah.

susah nak sayang orang

/rantmode.

finally i am fucking done with the malaysian STD coursework shit. oh my god, i tell you, most of the information that they gave me was utterly useless. had to revamp the entire thing, but it wasnt that bad, just very tedious.

anyway, on a random note, i am such a lazyass, explains why my stomach is protruding out to say hello to the world. got hooked on online shopping nowadays, i fancythe idea of being able to browse, and buy without even moving a muscle! (exept the fingertips. of course)

been thinking a lot about that certain issue. should i get out now before it hurts even more? or should i keep on hanging and be stubborn and live by "the moment is the only thing that matters" principle? i hate this predicament, tau tak? liyana is so right, susah sayang orang. the older u get, the more complicated things are. fuck age.

i do feel like there's a lot of venting out to do, but the eyes are tired and the fingers are weary. i goddamn hope that fucking assignment bloody gives me enough marks to pass the subject. i would very much despise even the idea that i were to have to retake the subject. its torturous enough the first time around.

and oh, did the labour law mids earlier today. utter disaster nyahaha. guys, don't be fooled by the long essay, its all bullshit. i have a gift, i can beat around the bush and make conclusions out of nothing. nevermind, we all buat the second midterm sama sama yeahhhhhhhhhhhh!!

i like you. but apparently for adults (saying it with a slight sneer, yes, im starting to hate this word. egh.) thats not enough. sooo banyaklah other things to consider. yes, i'm hopelessly dreaming of a utopia, but who ever said that a girl can't keep dreaming.

and i do believe that i have changed a lot. i like it *hearts*

p/s- my posts lack pictures. i sangatlah sedih :'(

and my english is terrible nowadays. it is NOT grammatically correct!!!

happiness

omigod. my name is listed on number 67 on the FBL website. scary thing, theres only a couple of names that are familiar to me on that list though.

anyway, honestly, i'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, but i really don't feel all that pride anymore. yeah, the first few moments that i saw it i was practically jumping with joy, but now.. its just weird.

don't get me wrong, i am happy. but it's just that i don't feel like i deserve it, not that much. some other people had poured all their hearts and pulun gila study for it, and i feel that these hardworking souls deserve the recognitions more.

and me? just on the last week itself that i actually flipped through mountains of notes as thick as the phone directory.

countless times, i have told myself, study for the sake of knowledge, not just for exams. and also the equal numbers of time had i broke that vow. sucky innit, that u failed to even adhere to your own ideologies. if there is one thing i hate, is being looked down upon. call me stupid but i wan't to work for the things that i get, i want to actually feel the satisfaction of getting the things that i want.

it still doesn't feel all that good, since i know that at this state now i am undeserving of it. bah.

moving on. i am currently in love with the song "no one" by alicia keys. its just lovely :)

and i finally get to see him after around a week. but i feel that it is better this way, u know the feeling of rindu that had snowballed throughout the week, and finally its released. its like, the big BOOM of satisfaction ;)

p/s - happy nineteenth birthday ain fattin mohd noh. may this year brings u happiness and more chocolates :)

tell me it's allright

i'm feeling awful. i don't really know why, but ever since 5pm the feeling has been weird. knots in the stomach, dizziness, trouble focusing and weird red itchy spots appearing mysteriously on my body.

why? some days u just feel down, and i guess this is one of those days. i miss someone, but i can't really say it. he's busy with a lot of things now, and as lame as this sound, i think that's one of the reasons i'm feeling under the blue. bodoh kan?

and i'm scared for myself, i'm scared of what's going to happen to me, be it immediately or in the long run. i'm scared of what i might do, what i can and can't be able to do.

when all these feelings are translated into words, they often sound lame and meaningless, and god knows i'm not a poet, nor do i have any other ways to express myself effectively. i just need someone to hug me right now and tell me every thing's all right. the warmth of another person's body, the feeling of their skin. the silent "it's ok" being told countless times through their actions... i need that. i really do. but the funny thing is whenever i feel this way, there is often nobody around. these times reminds all of us that we are just lonely.

fuck it. these are the times when i wish i had a pet.

vromm much?

ok lah, i better update my page soon. it looks so kesian all empty and the same entry popping for almost a week.

aaanyway, the news all of us have been waiting for.

finally, i got my p(robationary) license! (in flesh, the card now rests beautifully in my wallet. so very the lawas) the first thing i did? went driving around my city (ehem, subang rawks no matter wat u guys say) for the whole weekend. obi was more than glad to shift the errand-runnings to me.

the verdict? first day, countless enjin matis and honks and middle fingers from the other drivers. hahaha. please, be gentle la people, complete beginner on the road! seriously people, be symphatetic when u see the big red Ps driving on the road. think of me. :)

2nd day, advanced slowly, my gear shifting has become smoother, and the car doesn't die as much (ok, only TWICE) on sunday ;)

saturday night, went out for the flynniversary event at one utama. hell, it was jam-packed. but we came only for hujan and meet uncle hussain, and who can belive our luck, we managed to see them both, back to back ;) the minute we entered the pit, muh performed and then followed by hujan. hohoho, was very worth it arriving there lateee.

saya suka, melompat-lompat sambil dengar muzik!

had the breakfast at sunday morning.the other girls took so long to arrive that i looked like a doofus waiting at the mamak sipping tea by myself, thank u so much. but i love being able to drive, gives me the freedom to be going anywhere i want, whenever i want, i am mobile WOOHOO. li saw the the thing i was driving and totally freaked out. ok, for most of you who dnt know, my blue wira is completely plastered with RHB bank's promotional stickers. u can see a bloody fortune cookie on both sides of the car, and yes it is uncool. but i aint complaining.

(was already warned by mak, she said i cant go out at night alone. and i cant go out too long. and i cant drive out of subang. hahaha, that was fast, only one day and three warnings already)

lets go on vacation people.

what do u do when someone is just feeling moody, and doesn't feel like doing anything. lethargic, sluggish and groggy that they wont even talk to anyone? do u leave them alone? offer help?

:(

and i have to start studying for midterms okay.

pig you

WOOHOO.

my weekend is so complete. yesterdays library session + todays date (ehem) makes it an awesome weekend ;) an (almost) perfect date to end the weekend, plus the fact that half of bukit beruang wasn't powered gave the most beautiful candle-lit tables (hey even at habeeb okay!)

yes, i sangatlah a sucker for these kind of things. wat to do, the inner girl in me came out ;) have to have these kind of dates more often. maklumla we are all still young people kan, not 25-years married couple or something. they go on dates once a year, probably.

anyway, moving from the happy news, i just feel so strongly against this certain person right now. bloody fucker i hope u just drop into a hole and die. no names shall be mentioned here, but let me tell you something, DUDE.

u expect people to like you? you are one arrogant, self-righteous, rude, immature bastard mutherfucker. you have no regard at all to what other people are feeling, and everytime u open your mouth crap spews out. maybe thats ur butthole, who knows, cos i can't tell the difference at all, for the fact that it looks and functions like same way. seriously DUDE, i might never tell all this to your face, for god knows what reason, but seriously. you. need. to. change. DUDE.

i am through telling u your faults. i'm no longer obliged to, nor do i actually wish to do so. we are just friends, no, ACQUAINTANCES now. i don't give a shit about you, honestly. you can go suck wee's left ball til it shrinks for all i care.

now thats out of my system. lets put up some piccies, from yestrday :)

wee, moi, sheel and dasalini. the stripey thing at the back? ntah, hantu pokok kot ;)

again, benda jalur2 tu ada lagi. scary kan? ;)

for more pics, go to Crystals site (ehem, i plug u weh) and for the pics of us actually inside the place (for the first time!! omg) i'm still waiting for them too.. ;)

time for me to study human rights. tutorials tomorrow, and i'll be damned if i don't know shit about all these conventions.

p/s - didn't take pict with iranian. :( i suck.

tahi cicak

ok.

i bet most of u guys are wondering why in the glistening blue sky is my blog called twelve am speed news. its not even updated daily at 12am, and heck its not even news. more like deranged thoughts from this pinkish electro-pulse inducing entity inside my head, which contrary to popular belief(s), still works fine.

wellll... let me tell u a story. once upon a time, a girl who sucks at naming things were born. and one fine day when the princess (ehem) turned 18-ish, she decided to take on this quest known as blogging, after failed at doing so for a very long time. as her birthright is that she sucks at christening stuff... she cracked her brains trying to think of a cool, scene name for her blogdom. finally, nightline came on TV3. and walla. *inser magic sparkles*

a miracle was created.

the end. (and they lived happily ever after)

yeah.

so anyway, library sessions today was awesome. too bad there weren't any cute guys for me to menggatal with. hey i'm attached ok. have to give face a bit la pls. plus, this is good ol malacca, where news spread faster than butter on toast bread. it's a good thing, to hang out with friends, and cannot stress this more.

i lap yuuu guys!!!

u guys are the bestest craziest bunch of future justice officers i've met. and my god, the world really is doomed if the next generation's burdens are on our shoulders.. (makes me contemplate suicide. now that im at ixora, thigns are a lot easier no? meheh.)

and i hope that one of our friends will be fine tonight. hey, like the song line goes,

"even the best falls down sometimes"

but chill... there is also another song that goes..

"i love u, u love me, we are happy family"

as gay and garishly freaky that song is, i do believe that sums up most of it. we are here ok darl :)

mwaaaaaaaaaaaah!! time to masuk tidurland!

hahaha.

stupid people, sucky malacca amounts to one of the best times us deranges souls can have. some people did the most dumbassy thing, lighting a mercun papan while squatting down, and resulting to him "Dancing" to the blasts. smarrrttt. very smart.

anyway, very comfortable now in my new home. i have everything i need, and i like it ;)

faster la people come visit me. then i will hold a housewarming party. but u guys provide ur own food.s

i wanna go on a nice dinner date. lets do that, shall we????

hate

I have been contemplating a lot on the things that have been happening to me. Most of the time I am clueless, I just don’t know what the hell is going on. Especially in the region of relationships. I hate that I am not able to achieve anything in this…

I have read, I have heard stories, I formulate ideas and solutions, I thought of the scenarios over and over again in my head, but when the actual thing happens, I cannot do anything.

I am feeling very frustrated. I don’t want it to end, but the future seems so bleak. I don’t know what I should do, who I should talk to, I don’t even know anymore whats wrong here.

I don’t know.

Or maybe I do know, but I’m just too stupid to realize it.

How do u show that u care towards the person? Asking about themselves, about things that make them happy, talk about yourself, themselves, isn’t that enough? How do u know a person? How do u understand a person? Is there any way that it is impossible for u to understand someone? What makes them tick? Does language barrier really hinders understanding? Why can’t u understand? Is it hard? Why can’t I understand? Does honesty leads to better understanding? Opening your eyes without prejudice or expectations?

I really don’t get any of this. I should, I bloody hell should since it has taken too long for it to be just a glitch.

Could the problem be that I am just selfish beyond belief, that the only person I care about most is myself? How can someone say that you are perfect for them and yet not want them. I have a shitload of questions that makes me want to just run away and hide myself. But giving up doesn’t really seem appealing to me, but how do u know when enough is enough? Do u seriously need to take a step back in order to move forward?

Am I just not girlfriend material?

ranto-socko

AKU MAU SHOPPING.

really, this craving is killing me. i can't sleep. i can't think. i want to do it.
its an addiction which i don't even know i was addicted to. i asked the iranian some question and it striked me that he is more patriotic then i am. do i love my country? i should.

and right now i am contemplating writing a serious blog entry. but i am so lazy, and i figured nobody would actually take a blog (from a person like me) seriously anyway.

i love those chilling sessions with the guys at mamaks. from random cock-talk to not so random political bashings, its all good, don't ya think? crystal left suddenly i wonder what happened to her? hope everything is good.

and right now i am dead hungry. there is nothing edible in the house and some idiot in my place sapu-ed my new stripey bowl. i wish them fuck.

tomorrow i gotta terminate my tenancy with EP. i bloody damn well hope they refund my deposit. i want that rm200 to go shopping hhahaha. and my new dresstop is torn at the pockets. lanciao betul, and i love that top. fuck flimsy materials. and i also have to go to the students admission units for some guidance, and i got to move in everything into ixora and steal dasha's mattress. i just told lina about me moving out, i don't really care that much about it. just thought it would be common courtesy to tell her.

i wonder how am i going to carry all the luggage up to ixora. the bloody room is on the 8th floor. let's hope the lifts are working fine.

i kinda fancy the idea of turning this into a rant-log.

mmmm... yummeh.

i passed my jpj exam.
i will get my driver's license next week.
classes are dead boring.
i miss my friends.
i want my friends.
i wanna go dancing.
i miss ber-KAUZHAI-ing.
i miss being rich.
i want to be rich.
i want a guitar.
kami was awesome.
drugs are bad.
i'm finally moving into ixora.
i have no fridge anymore.
i want a fridge.
i need to do laundry.
im sleepy.

heart

I want to update, but I haven't the slightest clue what to write. Sitting at my place in Subang now, freaking my mind off the JPJ exam tomorrow.

But I did find this beautiful poem. It was recited in the movie i watched earlier, and i think its absolutely beautiful. Just thought i should share it with u guys :)

i carry your heart with me
by : E. E. Cummings.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

absolutely gorgeous.

bila aku sudah kebosanan

Yet another delayed entry. God I’m so lazy to type nowadays, I’d much rather they invent a voice-activated blogging device. But then the though of talking to myself (out loud) is kinda geeky in its own way.

Anyway, went to Laundry yesterday, to see Hujan perform. And my god the place was full to the brim! (literally, it was overflowing from the brim. I didn’t know Laundry was such a popular place) Hujan was good, I have personally seen an actual CROWD-DIVE in real life. That was awesome freaking awesome. Too bad I didn’t manage to find Zahier, as the place was way to packed to be looking for anything.

Went back at around 12, since Liyana has a curfew, and she was driving. Met up with her friends for a while before that, they seemed like really atas people, didn’t hang around much, which I was pretty glad not to.

With Li. Mom was right, i shouldnt smile too much. i look scary.

Hujan. the frontman is so comel!

p/s- I don't get it why people have to RECORD the performance rather then watching it and enjoy it. I mean, I'm sure its because they want to remember the performance, and watch it again when they think about it But the quality of handphone recordings aint that great, and I'm pretty sure someone else is already doing it. You don't need 10 people to get the same thing.

Somehow I think my writing skills have gone to sound draggy and boring. But lets not let that get me down.

Today, went for the usual bi-yearly rebonding trip, and after three times of the guy cooing me to dye my hair, I finally gave in. had goldish highlights, and I think they look kinda fine ;) (though not really visible. Should’ve done a thinner layer at the top. Nevermind, in due time… )

So that’s the update on my mundane life. Next week is going to be the start of a new sem. Oh joy.

p/s – I am so not cool.

questions to blogger users.

1. how do u put a bg photo?
2. chatbox? etc etc?
3. my blog tak lawa. asal? :(

full circle.

Okay-lah, was super ecstatic last night, but didn't keep the feeling for long. (around 15 hours, maybe)

Failed the slope test. There goes RM150, fucking expensive. I want to cry now huhuhuhh. Doing it again next week.

Ice-creamed with li and jannah. Best siot, should make it a point to do it more often. And steal songs from her hohohoho.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! Someone's back from perantauan. Guess who, guess la guess la!! :D

Oh my god!! This has got to be the best past few days... for now ;) Haven't been blogging lately, but there is a lot of things that went on.

Recharge Weekend!!!

Wasn't actually planning to go there, as both Crys and Naj couldn't make it, and was supposed to have a small family gathering. So i abandoned all hopes of making it there... but then at last minute something happened. Saturday morning, Mak and Ayah had to go back to Kelantan to settle some things.. and Obi was not able to come back from his college, since he's pretty busy with the finals. I was left there, with the thought of sitting at home all alone for one whole weekend, and then the idea hits me like the mosquito swatter hits the, well, mosquito.

What am I waiting for? This is my chance to go!!!

So I thought, screw it, I'm not going to be sitting at home, while the event that i was soooo looking forward to happens and i will miss yet another gig. Called up a bunch of people, and finally I got to go with V and Zahier (Thanks a lot guys, for letting me tag along ur guy party!!!) went out of the house at 12.30pm, waited, waited and waited some more and we finally reached Malacca at 7pm lol. Got lost trying to find the way to A'Famosa from Ayer Keroh and finally got there at around 8, which at that time the place smelled like dead animals and wasn't actually packed yet. Went out again, and around 11 is when the crowd starts coming in.

IT WAS HELLA AWESOME!! (tho the rain made the ground muddy, my white cargos were soaked til the knees, and everyones shoes are goners. Even at the main arena, u can find embedded shoes and slippers in the mud. Scary, i know)

Danced around... Enjoyed the awesome, awesome music. There was another thing I did there, but only the ones who were there would know, amirite? :p

Anyway, V did something that i thought would be suicidal. A group of guys who parked the car next to us were talking, and we thought they were Indonesian, and V shouted

" Ganyang Malaysia!! "

as loudly as he can, a couple of times. Seriously i thought we would die on the spot, but amazingly they turned out to be quite chummy afterwards. Hung out for a bit, but didn't really see them again after a while. Nice guys tho.

Went back with Zahier at around 5am, to Bukit Beruang, and since both of us were too tired, the departure was delayed from 10am to 12pm. But it was okay... I'm SO glad I actually went, met a new friend that day :)

Only managed to take sum pics, such a waste. SO SO SO SO RUGI!!! Must remember to take more pics next time.

see the big logo at the back? HOHOHOH.

I think thats Bass Agents at the back. Me and V again. Takde pics dgn Zahier :(

AND another awesome awesome thing that happened :

I MANAGED TO PASS ALL MY SUBJECTS. The moment I was logging in, my heart aCTUALLY beat a lot faster then it would normally have, seriously thought I was going to fail s0me. But, thank god, it went very very well, I'm happy to say. :D

AND today i got the vest i was looking for. All pretty and grey, at a bargain too. And I watched the awesomest, illogical, hard-action movie ever (which, I FULLY recommends to everyone. Rape, pillage, murder- do anything u have to, but go and watch Shoot'em up. Somehow i find Clive Owen to be extremely sexy in the movie, don't ask me why)

Hopefully tomorrow will be able to see Li and Jannh agn, since I missed them when I was in Malacca. And pray that my JPJ Test goes on without any glitches. I reeeeaaallyyyyyy want the license...

black plague.

Ookay.

What an awesome start to the posting of this blog. I forgot my password.

Anyway, days have been very uneventful, the only achievement I had so far is clearing my house from the clutters that inhibitted it for around, say 18 years (yeap. u heard me right, eighteen freaking years) and... thats about it i guess.

AND to add to another wondeful news, I wont be able to grace RR5 with my presence, merely because my mother dearest decided to make a little family gathering on said day :(

*le sigh* The sounds of a broken hearted youngling. And all this while her beau gets to enjoy the neighbouring lands. How i feel vindictive and wished he has a terrible time.

p/s - blogger doesnt have the strikeout function? No wai, thats uber-cool!

Anyway, these are my cute little cousins that grew so much cuter over the months. Presenting~
Okay, honestly I have so many cousins, their names often escapes my mind. (Dad's side, 9 siblings, mom's side, 13 siblings. U try and imagine how many kids they produce)

I thnk this cutie's called Amirul. He was a little red-newt the last time I seen him, now he grew up to a cute active little boy with a BIG HEAD (I swear its huge for his teeny body. U can't really see it here,but trust me, it is) :D HE is never quiet, always jumping around here and there and running and I wonder how he walks straight with his head being so big...


Aaaaand this cute little girl belongs to my cousin brother. A bit nutsy and blur, but i think thats just because she doesn't know us :) She's around two and she's going to be a big sister soon! Very adorable and her playpen is soooo friggin HUUUGE with Playhouse Disney on 24/7 (if I hear the stupid Mickey voice again I swear I will #$%^&) .

Aleia, (yes, Leia as in the Star Wars Princess. Her dad's cool that way ;) )

Which one of them is cuter? I loike both :D